MoonSense

Pomes! Pomes! Pomes!

2011-01-29T13:44:00.006+05:30

I checked the stats and it’s curious how many people type in the keywords ‘Pyaasi Chudel’ (Thirsty Witch/Ogre) and land up here.

If you’re one of those, sorry, brothers and sisters, this isn’t that sort of a site.

It’s corn that gets reaped here:

On the super-natural -

The Ghost Don't Scare Me

The Genie got mugged in the bottle

On the social -

The City Run

The Saga of Donato

A Kooky Love Story

Descartes and the Drink

On the Da Vinci Code

Phony Sheik selling fake Rembrandt

Green Cock on an old wall

On the political -

All Hat and No Cattle

Blair and Beckham

The Mess in Mess-O-Potomia

Ahmadinejad and Bush: On The Internets

Peace on Board

The Gropher- In-Chief (Why Isn't I Popular?)

On the personal -

Full of Bull

Oh, don't bury me in the prairie

Just Because I'm Dead

Pea Soup for My Soul

2010-12-18T19:51:00.001+05:30

I drank pea soup for my soul

I had it in a large bowl

I ate it with a spoon

Right when the clock struck noon

It was nice and good

Totally improved my mood.

Someone Else’s Shoes

2010-11-11T11:11:00.000+05:30

They say you shouldn't judge until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes,

But try it, just try it, and they'll have you back and before a judge, with your neck in the noose,

Demanding that you hand over the shoes before they cook your goose,

And then extracting a fine too for all the mileage you covered when you were on the loose.

Loving you is hell

2010-10-06T01:23:00.003+05:30

Loving you is hell
It ought to ring a sane bell
But, no, I still think you're a fine sell
And, one of these days, it's going to land me in jail

I've money in the bank, I could use it for bail
But the idea of spending it that way is already making me wail
A sounder option is to see you off on the rail
Last time we did, I was right behind on your trail

Why can't you be a normal, everyday male?
Not a crank with a wishing well
Dancing on every sharp edge and tweaking fate's tail
Yes, loving you is hell

Fingers

2010-09-10T09:34:00.003+05:30

Things happen in a war
Some soldiers smoke tar
Others collect fingers in a jar
They pursue their hobby over there
So no one will indulge in it over here
You know how it is, don't you?
It is not anything at all to rue
What would be a crime here
Is only collateral damage there
That's just the way things are
Keep sticking stickers to your car
Good citizens, never question the crème de la crème
Unstintingly support the Kill Team

King Arthur's Round Table

2010-07-15T23:13:00.000+05:30

Ham and Jam and Spamalot,
Arthur reigned in Camelot.
His table we have found,
And it is nice and round.

He and his knights sat around it to plot,
How they were going to rule without a blot.
Everyone would have Ham and Jam in Camelot,
And lack of the proper technology would save them from Spamalot .

Meanwhile Guinevere loved Lancelot,
They gazed at each other and sighed a lot.
You know, it never really got beyond any of that,
The lady was willing, but the gent was too noble to be a rat.

My Glass Eyeball

2010-03-10T22:35:00.001+05:30

By Good King Hal, Where's My Glass Eyeball?

I bought it new just this Fall

Did I drop it in the Banquet Hall?

Or did it in the Closet fall?

I'm sure it wasn't over the Cabinet of the Red Doll

Why would I go poking over something that tall?

I asked Harry, Peter and Paul

I announced an award in Gaul

But nobody knows about my Eyeball

And it's driving me right up the wall

Up ran the Hare

2010-01-15T09:59:00.000+05:30

Up ran the Hare

And we followed on a dare

Without an ounce of sense or care

That was usual, occasions of sense were rare

And often we had no idea where we were

Like the time we got kicked by the mare

Or showed the towns-people our share

Of unadorned derriere

Ping-a-Ponga

2009-03-13T17:57:00.001+05:30

Ping-a-Ponga Poses

Atten-suhn, Atten-Shun

We all want it!

And that's why we go

Ping-a-Ponga Poses

And if we all fall down

It will just mean more...

Atten-suhn, Atten-Shun

And ain't that just what we want!

Inspired by the Israeli attempt to 'do' Bollywood.

The City Run

2008-01-26T10:36:00.000+05:30

We had a city run in our town
Which brought everyone and their aunt down

The idea was to run from one end to the other
You could pay and bring along your kid brother

The notion was new to us
Cause, you know, we always took the bus

They said running will make you healthier
And our sponsored charity wealthier

So we ran and ran and ran
And the day went according to plan

Only thing is we kind of liked it too much
Now all the town folks have taken to running as such

If we want to get from Point A to Point Zee
We run all the way, you see

Our automobiles are now rusting with disuse
The State Transport company is blowing a fuse

But global warming has receded from our town
No longer are our fields dusty and brown

The whole atmosphere is green, fresh and bright
And we're the only ones you can see clearly from a space satellite.

I Love Adverbs Dearly

2008-01-25T19:52:00.003+05:30

I love adverbs dearly

I toss them about liberally

Why do grammarians hate adverbs so avidly?

How come they miss the Adverbian charm so obviously?

Why insist on 'she said, he said' so fervently?

What's wrong with 'she said angrily and he said cravenly'?

Why even have such discriminatory rules, frankly?

What crime did adverbs commit, honestly?

I've never understood the need for such rules, really.

I don't see why adverbs must be avoided so diligently.

Because, you see, I love adverbs madly

I wish the whole world would use them more lavishly.

The Ghost Don't Scare Me

2008-01-24T10:18:00.002+05:30

We have a ghost in the house

And he can't even scare a mouse

It is SO embarrassing, you know

No spine tingling, ghoulish show

Just a mild and fleeting purple glow

You needn't be so restful, I said

People come from far and afar to see our dead

Can't you try and scare someone out of their head?

I hate being a tourist attraction, he said,

I long for olden, golden days when superstition bred

And fear didnae draw the good folks aboot from their bed

You modern folks sure are crazy

And a lot of you dim and hazy

Well, I've been dead a long time

And you ain't turning that into prime time!!

I'm a ghost with a fine standard

Entertaining nitwits – and mice – ain't making me grander!!

Large Dark Shit Stain

2008-01-23T12:18:00.000+05:30

There's a large dark shit stain on the white shag carpet ,

That was deposited there by my very own pet.

I'm supposed to clean it, an idea I already hate,

Getting a new carpet would be much easier, I bet.

The New Year Cometh

2007-12-31T17:32:00.000+05:30

The year that was
Was a real gas

Now it's gone
Tomorrow brings a new one

They tell me I ought to reflect
But that view I deflect

Why go over what's over?
I've future plans to mull and cover

Anyway, so the New Year Cometh
Don't Drinketh

Overmuch
Or suffer a hangover as such -

The Hangover That Lasts

The Agonies of Modern Times

2007-12-19T06:36:00.000+05:30

Oh, the Agonies of Modern Times!
Photoshopped, Adobe-Illustrated, and Corel-Drawn.

I long for the good old days when people were only
Hanged, Quartered, and Drawn.

Say NO to Thanksgiving!!!

2007-11-24T10:34:00.001+05:30

Say NO to Thanksgiving
Gobbly, Gobbly, Gobbleeeydo

'Tis not day of thankfulness for OUR community
Gobbly, Gobbly, Gobbleeeydo

While YOU smile and think of chums and brethren in your homes
Gobbly, Gobbly, Gobbleeeydo

WE make a list of kin that make your tables as centerpiece domes
Gobbly, Gobbly, Gobbleeeydo

HOW is Thanksgiving about joy and about life?
Gobbly, Gobbly, Gobbleeeydo

When extinguishing OURS is so annually rife?
Gobbly, Gobbly, Gobbleeeydo

To the Fundamentalist Book Critic

2007-08-12T22:49:00.000+05:30

Photo: AFP

So you don’t like the matter in my book?
And you want to show it by turning into a crook?

Have you really come to advocate your religion here?
By throwing that chair and stool over there?

Are you screaming to vowelize your hurt sentiment?
Is it for a salve you stoop to scoop up the sediment?

Couldn’t you express your sensitivity better than that?
You know, just hurl over the bouquet and leave out the brickbat.

------

Target Taslima: No room for critics in Islam?

MIM threatens to behead Taslima if she visits Hyderabad again

Taslima roughed up in Hyderabad

When I gave him the heave-hove

2007-06-07T19:49:00.000+05:30

When I gave him the heave-hove,
He said you’re a hard-hearted one, love.

I said, it’s not so much I don’t care,
As how much I can bear.

It’s the little things you do and say
That pile up night after day.

They throw a light on your mind
They tell me you’re far from kind.

It’s not something that can change
And it’s beyond my coping range.

You want me to fit your picture plan, your hope,
You think it’s fine if I have to narrow my scope.

I thought about it and you know what?
I could no more live in a cage than with that.

To even expect it from me is fine rum,
So here’s a long wave good-bye instead, chum.

The Deadline

2007-06-03T09:35:00.000+05:30

I moaned
And I whinged

I wailed
It’s totally beyond me

I binged on tea
And sailed adrift in the sea

I cried
Why do I even beat myself so?

Man is not a machine
And neither is woman

And even machines break down
And lights go off in the town

So why do I even attempt the impossible?
The word wasn’t coined because it was possible.

I shouted
I can’t do this
I won’t do this
I don’t want to do this
LIKE HELL, I’ll do this!!

And that’s how I got my writing done.

When I was just a little girl

2007-05-27T10:19:00.000+05:30

When I was just a little girl
All I wanted was a beard to twirl

I asked my mother why can’t I grow one?
She said, c’mon, it’ll be a pain to get the shaving done

You will need soap, you will need brush, and you will need a razor too
And if you’re not careful you’ll give yourself a cut or two

She said, why go through all that bother, my dear
When you can always give Grand-pa’s beard a morning cheer

I did and he hollered and nearly kicked me in the rear
Damn kid, he said, you had to go upset my ice-chilled beer

It's a hot, hot day

2007-05-27T09:32:00.000+05:30

It is a hot, hot day
In the month of May

I’m experiencing Western glamor
In a lovely novel by Louis L’Amour

The hero is deadbeat in the desert heat
It’s even worse here on the Indian beat

I could shed a sympathetic and empathetic tear
Reading about a dry and dusty prickly pear

He’s trudging along without water now
I’m sweltering at home out of ice-cubes you know

He falls and stumbles and rises and never gives up
I pace and grumble and moan and sluice myself with water in a cup

He survives and gets the bad guys in the end
The electricity department gets the better of me at every bend

Oh, Prince Harry

2007-02-23T01:10:00.000+05:30

Oh, Prince Harry
Stay home and marry

Your girlfriend from Africa
Or someone named Erica

'Tis not really important
Just so you know home shores are more verdant

Don't thou go to war
To Iraq, so very far

The days of the Raj are long gone
Why heroically nibble at somebody else's bone?

With trouble brewing there to such a degree
Someone will lose their skin protecting your pedigree

Stay home, take a leaf from the Bush Twins over there
Your life's more important than all the idiots dying over here.

The Coalition of the Killing

2007-02-23T01:08:00.000+05:30

Everyday you hear something thrilling
About the Coalition of the Killing

It's not enough when you've created so many tombs
With your mighty, technologically advanced bombs

To sit on your laurels and gloat
To even consider hanging up your fighting coat

NOW is the time to strike and create a greater mess
'Cause it's a War Industry, baby, and, business is business.

Finding My Joy

2007-01-31T17:45:00.000+05:30

Shining Red Apples
Warm Sunlight dapples

A Patch of Ultramarine Blue
A Flock of Flamingoes flying through

The sound of a laughing child
Whales whistling in the wild

The smell of fresh baked bread
Beautifully bound books waiting to be read

An old song coming up on the radio
Starting a new painting in the studio

The Saga of Donato

2007-01-16T07:34:00.000+05:30

It's hard to have a name like Donato
The old folks ought to have known better, oh!

Donato sounds much too much like Donation,
Some people think begging is my vocation.

The other day when I was in Cafe Good Cheer,
A lady dropped a coin in my can of beer.

Hey, lady, I said, this isn't funny,
She said, every little bit helps, sonny.

I went home and said, change my name, Ma.
We argued and changed it that very day.

Now I have a new name and it's even harder
People seem to think I've money in the larder

Now, when they see my Ma in the street, girls come tarry
Oh, Mrs. Gates, your Bill really ought to marry!!!