The Ghost Don't Scare Me

We have a ghost in the house

And he can't even scare a mouse

It is SO embarrassing, you know

No spine tingling, ghoulish show

Just a mild and fleeting purple glow

You needn't be so restful, I said

People come from far and afar to see our dead

Can't you try and scare someone out of their head?

I hate being a tourist attraction, he said,

I long for olden, golden days when superstition bred

And fear didnae draw the good folks aboot from their bed

You modern folks sure are crazy

And a lot of you dim and hazy

Well, I've been dead a long time

And you ain't turning that into prime time!!

I'm a ghost with a fine standard

Entertaining nitwits – and mice – ain't making me grander!!