On the Da Vinci Code

I've never more hated a novel,
Over-hyped, contrived, needs the digging end of a shovel.

I never thought religion was swell,
But this was annoying as hell.

So much conspiratorial masala in the Christianity angle,
You'd pray for some Brown spice in Jesus's marital tangle.

But, no, the writing is hurried and flat,
The characters fresh as a dead cat.

Predictable, predictable, predictable!!!
How did this get to be the toast of any literary table?

As toasts go, Professor Langdon,
'Tis an over-roasted, burnt 'un!!

If I were Da Vinci, I'm telling you,
I'd come back and sue!