The Gropher- In-Chief (Why Isn't I Popular?)

I'm the Gropher-In-Chief,
Yo! What the hell's your beef?

Things were getting kind of dull,
So I went and massaged Merkel.

Afterall she was the only wo-man, you know, at G8,
Did you seriously think I'd offer Vladimir my bait?

C'mon, folks, my views on gays are clear,
I wouldn't massage Tony, though he's such a dear

But Angela is entirely another matter,
And didn't I just stop Prodi's useless chatter!

He gave me such a funny look,
Like, are you President or kook?

I'm a cowboy, sir, that's what!
A classified Texan bat!!

I've the best manners, as it's known,
And around the Net it's now shown.

I'm the only one that went and rubbed the tired lady,
Why does the 'Get-a-life contingent' find it shoddy and shady?

I know she went, “Ewwwwwwwwwwww,” a bit,
But she liked it, you know, she never said shit.

(I call this diplomacy of the Bread and Butter,
You just chew and tolerate the nutter)

This could lead to closer contacts with the German Nation,
You folks should be giving me a standing ovation!

I'm working double time to spread American values,
So stop acting like you got a serious case of blues!

Have faith, people, even though I'm not very bright,
Rest easy and know, the leader is always right!!